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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, posting them with an audience that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in small ways. I thought filming a clip here or there would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she’s working. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?